vz { an infinite present }

I don’t know why but people that I don’t really know that well sometimes called me up and talk about their problems, like seriously I haven’t really talk to them in that way and haven’t been talking to them for a while yet all of the sudden they would call me and talk about their problems, girls life etc. I am like the most inexperience person since I’m a hermit, logically I would be the least person who can gives a sensible advice. It really puzzles me why do these people wanted to talk to me about their issues. But if they wanted my advices I usually give them my honest opinions and I would give them advices that most beneficial to them. May be they know this !!

Anyway sometimes because of these talk I found out so many shocking things like who sleeping with who and who pisses who off, but some of these things are quite disturbing because I would never do these things, eg sleeping with a friend’s ex, I guess because I don’t social much so these things still surprise me, but this is one more reason why i don’t want to social too much because people are evil by nature hahaha

New work is fine. So far seems too much bitch to my liking. typical Call Center, but it could be worst. I cant fucking stand ppl who thinks they are top shit grrrrrrrr serz this is why im anti social, cos i can not keep my cool …

I did not write anything on my sister wedding, I guess this is because I was too drunk to remember anything hahaha ofcourse when we are drunk our mind does not goes completely blank in the aftermath but it is rather because we do not want to remember certain details so we all tend to have selected memory, or avoid any discussion about the event.

One thing I remember is me and some of my sister friends was talking about cigarettes, like when we started to smoke and which brand etc, I know I know sounds boring but these topic are safe to talk to new friends, ofcourse the discussion took place at the back ally of the restaurant and everyone was having a smoke. Well this is the point when I realised I have been smoking for 10 years already .. I feel like .. crap my lungs must be like a dirty sponge by now after sucking up all that chemicals for 10 years. So I decided to quit for good. I had quit several times before, each time a few months. quitting first weeks is always hard but after that life with out smoke is soo much better, the only problem is when I drink or stressed out, smoke is the first thing that would come to my mind.

But this time is for real, I know that I would smoke again occasionally, socially but i want my lungs to be clean :) no more smoke and this is my pre-emp new resolution.

Finally some lights at the end, found an internal role at the very last minutes of retrenchment, talk about procrastination, however I still feel uneasy, not comfortable, may be cos I didn’t give a whole lot of effort on getting this role, seems like it fell upon me.

There is still something seriously wrong with my whole outlook on life, not trying much not caring much, not being self responsible, what if Im made redundant again what am I going do again ? or I am going to act the same way as I have always been, waiting for the chance to fall upon me and call it the result of my effort.

Although through this rough time, I have realized there are still people out there who doesn’t think less of me, I am really glad for that, forget the role, I appreciated the friends who have thought for me and helped me through this whole ordeal, for this I am really happy ^^ simple things in life can make one happy !!! in the darkest hour of my  life I have found hope !!